…I guess I’m the kind of girl who likes to get lost, just so she can find her way back home…
I really like this quote…… June 4, 2009
“It takes alot of courage to release the familiar and seemingly secure, to embrace the new. But, there is no real security in what is no longer meaningful. There is more security in the adventurous & exciting, for in movement, there is life, and in change, there is power.”
Alan Cohen
Change October 29, 2008
Sometimes, people go on a journey together and that journey reaches a destination. The destination may or may not be what each wanted, but it is a destination. These people may walk away from each other with memories of this journey and never speak again. Or, they may embark on a new and different journey with a different destination. Some of these journeys take years, even decades and some, mere days. We may only embark on a single journey with a given individual or experience a lifetime of them.
I believe that, often times, people are brought into our lives or those already in our lives change roles for a reason… to lead or accompany us on a journey. I find myself at a crossroads where a number of journeys are ending and a few are just beginning (mostly facilitated through the ending of others). I haven’t found myself in a position like this since I moved to California 10 years ago. There aren’t many things that I am “in the middle of.” In some ways, this makes me sad, but I can mourn for these journeys that have reached an unsatisfactory destination and celebrate those that have come to a positive conclusion. I can also look to the future with hope.
Energy September 8, 2008
Have you ever questioned whether something was a weakness or a strength, a burden or a gift? I have been struggling for a long time with the effect that other’s energy has on me.
I think I really started questioning it about 9 years ago. Shortly after moving to LA, I met a girl and became quick friends. She was one of those people who would do anything for you. About a year into our friendship, I noticed that whenever we would talk or hang out, even if we did something enjoyable, I just felt “off.” I couldn’t really put my finger on it. I felt like a completely ungrateful bitch when she went out of her way for me a few times and I just couldn’t make myself feel love for her.
This ate at me to the point that I needed to figure it out. I soon realized that even though she was doing all of these kind things for others, she really wasn’t being kind to herself. She took everything as a personal affront and would fixate on the negative often times wallowing in it to the point that I thought anger and negativity gave her purpose. I tried to make excuses for this knowing that she had experienced an extremely difficult life with numerous health and financial problems. I felt guilt when I would ignore her phone calls or make excuses to cut our time spent together short. I also felt personal weakness that I couldn’t just ignore it and focus on the good things that she did.
One day, while having a fairly heated discussion, I realized that all of the advice I was giving her was applicable to our friendship: sometimes you have to put yourself and your emotional well-being first; sometimes there is no way to avoid hurting someone else; sometimes, you need to fight for something and sometimes you just need to walk away. That conversation was not only a defining moment in our friendship, but also in my life.
I realized that the way that a person’s energy affects me often times has nothing to do with whether I like them or not. Looking at the people I am surrounded with now, I see that my true friends, the ones that I truly love, are those that I like enough to have grown close to, but also from our first meeting have had an energy compatible with my own. It’s funny because there are people that I like, but could never love because their energy just isn’t right for me and there are those that I actually don’t like, but I can still appreciate their energy and feel good around them.
Weaning out the bad energy (bad for me that is), has made me so much happier and balanced. Unfortunately, we can’t always choose who we have contact with on a daily basis and I still find myself getting pulled into occasional “black clouds,” but being more aware of it makes it easier to deal with. I have also decided to be more proactive in getting to know those whose energy feels so compatible with my own. I guess that really looking at it, I feel blessed just to have figured it out!
Hello world! September 2, 2008
As Is
Because my imaginary friends are in my head and not on the internet, I refuse to be a part of MySpace or Facebook. While I don’t mind sharing a part of me with the world, strangers and friends alike, my goal is not to collect friends, get feedback, or boost my own ego. I am who I am and the only promise that I make is to be honest. I might not make you think or laugh or cry, but I will remain true to myself. I am a girl – as is.
