I used to get worried when everything in my life seemed to be going really well and I was feeling really happy. I would worry myself sick over when it was all going to fall apart. Maybe I felt like I didn’t deserve it so it couldn’t last or maybe some of my mother’s pessimism just wore off on me. When bumps in the road occurred, I wasn’t surprised, I just dealt with them, already having prepared myself. As mentioned in other posts, this is something I’ve been successfully working on. Life always has test us though!
The past week has brought some serious disappointment. Disappointment with friends, loved ones, and myself. And because I have been so fully enjoying life, it hit me like a ton of bricks.
Feeling slightly overwhelmed, I broke everything down, dealing with one thing at a time. I realized that I can’t change anyone else, but I can express to them how their actions or lack thereof affect me. I can also choose not to make someone a priority when they make me an option. I can offer advice, but can’t take it to heart when it is ignored … everyone needs to do things in their own time. So far, so good. Now, on to me.
I am disappointed in myself for letting someone else’s negative energy affect my mood and for lying to myself about being able to handle a certain situation. The first is easy. I just need to be more aware when others are bringing me down and strong enough not to let it impact me. The second is a bit more difficult. I like to think that I am a pretty tough chick emotionally. Because of this, I sometimes put myself in situations that I know the tough girl I want to be could handle, but I’m not sure if I really can. I got into this one without even realizing it and I’m just not sure how to proceed. I’m not even sure what I want the end result to be.
Just the act of writing this down has helped and I’m looking forward to rainy Miami this week and the Chicks Rock Skydiving Boogie next weekend. Miserable Mel is going to sleep tonight, but Merry Mel is waking up tomorrow morning!
